I am here today to chew bubblegum and write about technology, cake, and death. I appear to be all out of bubblegum, however, so it is time to move on and write about why I think the question of “Cake or death?” is not only related, but relevant to, a discussion about technology.

First, let me give credit where credit is due. One of my favorite stand-up comedians, Eddie Izzard, does a great bit that asks the question, “Cake or death?” I caught one of his performances the other night, tuning in right about the point where he did his “Cake or death?” bit.

“Cake or death?” That’s a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that.
“Cake or death?”
“Eh, cake please.”
“Very well! Give him cake!”
“Oh, thanks very much. It’s very nice.”
“You! Cake or death?”
“Uh, cake for me, too, please.”
“Very well! Give him cake, too! We’re gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?”
“Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry…”
“You said death first, uh-uh, death first!”
“Well, I meant cake!”
“Oh, all right. You’re lucky I’m Church of England!” Cake or death?”
“Uh, cake please.”
“Well, we’re out of cake! We only had three bits and we didn’t expect such a rush. So what do you want?”
“Well, so my choice is ‘or death’? I’ll have the chicken then, please.
– Eddie Izzard, comedian

Aside from finding it flat-out hilarious, I find that the “Cake or death?” bit illustrates why it is important to give people options. If you, or any of your friends, have worked with marketing folks or graphic artists, particularly of the freelance variety, you will be familiar with the idea of providing the client a few different options to choose from.

Giving clients the ability to choose from several different options is a powerful thing. It gives the client the ability to be part of “the process” — which most will appreciate — but for me, the real power is that the vendor has the ability to steer the conversation by ensuring that one of the options is more attractive than the others.

“Cake or death?”
“Eh, cake please.”
“Very well! Give him cake!”
– Eddie Izzard

Obviously, when presented with only two options — one being cake and the other death — I am fairly certain that everyone would choose to have cake. I am also certain that this all sounds fairly elementary and I hope I have not divulged any secrets of the freelance trade, as you may now think twice about “the process” when you are presenting your three options to choose from.

Just like Eddie’s “Cake or death?” bit, this post isn’t done quite yet. With any custom work, be it marketing, graphic arts or development, it is easy to provide tailor made options. But, when you get into providing “shrink-wrapped” software or any sort of “canned” service, the options you present tend to be a bit more limited. And, for arguments sake, let’s say that the software solution you provide can only dole out so much “cake” per day, meaning that the customer’s only other option is “or death.”

“Uh, cake please.”
“Well, we’re out of cake! We only had three bits and we didn’t expect such a rush. So what do you want?”
“Well, so my choice is ‘or death’? I’ll have the chicken then, please.”
– Eddie Izzard

I know what you are thinking: chicken wasn’t one of the options so how is that possibly a valid answer? Well, it is. Think about it for a minute. If you are working in a high-tech company, there are probably several times a day (or at least several times a week) where a challenge is presented with what seems like limited options, and someone comes up with a “solution” that wasn’t one of the options presented by the vendor’s product.

Sometimes these solutions feels like a gritty hack, where someone writes a PHP or Python script to read the vendor’s database and compile data on a regularly scheduled basis because their reporting engine doesn’t give you the data the way you want it. Other times, the solution uses an option that isn’t really publicized and only power users know about it. Take for instance, VisualBasic for Applications (VBA). It is built into most Microsoft Office applications, allowing advanced users to do more than what the predefined buttons (options) afford them.

I was on the fence about this next reference, but it illustrates my point very well, as do most things that Apple does. The iPhone, when originally released, gave you a wide variety of applications — about 14 applications by my count. The applications covered the basics: Music, Phone, Photos, Calendar, SMS, Stocks, Calculator, Web Browser, Weather (always a killer app), Maps, YouTube, Camera, and Email.

But Apple knew from the beginning that it wouldn’t be enough to simply offer their customers “14 applications or death?” It would appear that they built their product with the AppStore in mind — that third party vendors would be able to create applications that would eventually satisfy everyone’s desires (approximately 45,638** apps and counting).
** Number reported by 148apps.com. They keep a running tally at http://148apps.com/10000.

I was once told, “These days you have to build a platform. The key to being successful is to be like .” In the last 12 months, I think every major social networking site has added some sort of API framework to allow third party developers to build on top of their “platforms”, effectively negating the question of “Cake or death?” by giving the developers (and eventually the end user) options. As found in the telecom space, more and more companies, big and small, are giving you the ability to control their telephony platforms.

I don’t necessarily think that you can get by with simply building a platform. I think you also have to build those seeder apps, maybe 14 or so, which seems to be a magic number. The point of the matter is that you have to design your product to give the users options. Some of them will be obvious and therefore fall perfectly into the “Cake or death?” category. But, to truly attempt to satisfy the masses, you will also have to be prepared to give them “chicken” as well.

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